My cousin who is about 20 years older than me used to touch me when I was younger like about 4 years old. I can’t really recall a lot as I’ve erased a lot of the memories from my mind. I can recall waking up as a kid and my uncle will have his hands inside my paints at night and I would find out that he is asleep and just take his hands out from my crouch. He used to show me his private parts and I remember as a kid being fascinated. I remember one time as a kid he took me into the closet and started masturbating on my chest. I was probably around 6 and didn’t understand what the white milky stuff coming out was. I believe he then raped me one time after I came back from school and I remember the pain and that I wasn’t able to walk for a couple of days. He had told me that I would embarrass myself if I had told my parents and I never did say anything. I just told them I wasn’t feeling good or something. I remember this happening a couple of times and then he went off to go live with his brother. I only saw him on occasions but I was always embarrass to say anything or talk to him because I felt bad about the incident.

The sad thing is he just committed suicide a month ago and I feel like I can finally tell my parents now. But the thing is since he’s no longer living I don’t really want to make him look like a bad person. Should I just keep this to my grave? I mean everything is fine now since I’m older and my parents have no clue of what happened. Also other than what happened he was a good person. I’m 15 years old and still living with my parents. I don’t want to cause anymore pain. Thoughts?

What a dreadful experience you had to go through:(
No child should be taken advantage of like that.
Although you say you are fine now, I can guarantee you are not. The mind can pause trauma for so long, The subconscious mind has developed social behaviors, that perhaps you think are ok.
Whether you know it or not, you need to have counseling.You must tell your parents. These types of predators are commonly found in the family unit. They are masters of manipulation.In other words,
He has brainwashed you.He is gone now, so it is safe for you to speak your truth.Im sure someone noticed something and will piece it together when you do speak.

with many high hopes for you to have closure on this matter.

Always…with Grace