My cousin who is about 20 years older than me used to touch me when I was younger like about 4 years old. I can’t really recall a lot as I’ve erased a lot of the memories from my mind. I can recall waking up as a kid and my uncle will have his hands inside my paints at night and I would find out that he is asleep and just take his hands out from my crouch. He used to show me his private parts and I remember as a kid being fascinated. I remember one time as a kid he took me into the closet and started masturbating on my chest. I was probably around 6 and didn’t understand what the white milky stuff coming out was. I believe he then raped me one time after I came back from school and I remember the pain and that I wasn’t able to walk for a couple of days. He had told me that I would embarrass myself if I had told my parents and I never did say anything. I just told them I wasn’t feeling good or something. I remember this happening a couple of times and then he went off to go live with his brother. I only saw him on occasions but I was always embarrass to say anything or talk to him because I felt bad about the incident.
The sad thing is he just committed suicide a month ago and I feel like I can finally tell my parents now. But the thing is since he’s no longer living I don’t really want to make him look like a bad person. Should I just keep this to my grave? I mean everything is fine now since I’m older and my parents have no clue of what happened. Also other than what happened he was a good person. I’m 15 years old and still living with my parents. I don’t want to cause anymore pain. Thoughts?
What a dreadful experience you had to go through:(
No child should be taken advantage of like that.
Although you say you are fine now, I can guarantee you are not. The mind can pause trauma for so long, The subconscious mind has developed social behaviors, that perhaps you think are ok.
Whether you know it or not, you need to have counseling.You must tell your parents. These types of predators are commonly found in the family unit. They are masters of manipulation.In other words,
He has brainwashed you.He is gone now, so it is safe for you to speak your truth.Im sure someone noticed something and will piece it together when you do speak.
with many high hopes for you to have closure on this matter.
Always…with Grace
17 users commented in " Should I tell my parents I was raped, when I was younger? "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackI too face this in my child hood. But it is never known to anybody . The thing is when some big men exploited me with some homosex approach i hate that . But few occasions i have flirt exp with two young girls of that age . That i still remember and that does not creating any hatred in mine.
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im very sorry for what happened to you but i think you should just keep it to yourself and let god judge him instead of the world. All it would do if you told is make people judge him and you when it is not their place. good luck and you should maybe look into getting therapy.
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"But the thing is since he's no longer living I don't really want to make him look like a bad person."
Just because he's no longer living, doesn't erase what he did to you. You say that everything is find now, but later on in life this can cause serious issues both for you and for those you choose to have relationships with. It may even be affecting you in ways right now that you're not even aware of.
I think you need to tell your parents and consider getting into some sort of therapy.
But in the end, what I say or what anyone else says may or may not be right for you. It's your decision and yours alone.
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If it's bothering you, I would come out and tell. But if it isn't bothering you then you could keep it to yourself.
Really sorry that happened to ya.
I can relate. My uncle used to touch me while asleep when I was at his house. I was 8 when he did it.
He is now in a nursing home.
I never slept at his house again. I told my mom about it and she told the cops, but they did nothing, saying they can't believe an 8 year old.
I am now 20 years old will be 21 in March.
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Personal experience
It wont make any difference now. Besides you were way too young for that to leave any scarring memory which could affect your life. So there is no point in telling this to anyone now. Though you might want to tell the truth to the guy who would come into your life. Because he has the right to know.
And if unlike what i think, if you have been affected by this, then it might block you from getting physically intimate with your man. In that case you might need counseling.
hope this helped!
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i think you should definitly talke to them. Talking about it is the key to healing i have a cousin that was in the same situation (it was our other cousin who did it! ) and i was the first person she told and now the shame that she was feeling has went away cuz she know now that it was not her fault, ive got her to go to counseling which i think would be a good thing for you, it might seem like everything is resolved right now, but it comes out in alot of different ways eventually, i believe once you talk to your parents they can give you that support you need in a situation like this, just remember it was never your fault and in no way should you try to save him looking bad he did something very awful and deserves it all!! you are a very strong girl : ) to go through that all by youself!!
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How will it help you by telling your parents?
He is no more, and their opinion of him [Let him rest in peace ] should not be modified by your confessing to your parents.
HOWEVER, YOU must get this guilt and bad feelings out of yourself.
Go to a Church priest (Even if you are not a christian!) who looks gentle and whose personality appeals to you, and confess everything to him. [You need not even show your face when confessing: remain on the other side of a closet].
Remember, it YOU who needs to get rid of this dark and troubling secret. Only after you have shared it with another person will you find happiness and peace!
The confession has to be done for YOUR sake, NOT for someone else to hear your “Juicy” secrets!
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Experience
You should tell your parents what happened - the fact that he did that to you shows that he was not well in his head, and honestly, how much he should be pitied.
Either way, it would be good to see a counsellor about this, for you.
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What a dreadful experience you had to go through:(
No child should be taken advantage of like that.
Although you say you are fine now, I can guarantee you are not. The mind can pause trauma for so long, The subconscious mind has developed social behaviors, that perhaps you think are ok.
Whether you know it or not, you need to have counseling.You must tell your parents. These types of predators are commonly found in the family unit. They are masters of manipulation.In other words,
He has brainwashed you.He is gone now, so it is safe for you to speak your truth.Im sure someone noticed something and will piece it together when you do speak.
with many high hopes for you to have closure on this matter.
Always…with Grace
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Embarrassment shouldn’t even matter in this kind of situation.
As long as you had no intentions of doing any of these things back to them, you know none of it was your fault.
You need the mental support of your family,
usually these type of things would change a girl’s life.
Tell them.
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was it your cousin or your uncle?
Even though he is deceased, it is YOU that has to live with this memory!
I would tell, simply because you need support and help dealing with this very serious “skeleton in the closet”
My Dad’s brother also fondled and tried to molest me when I was younger, (about 15), and I will never forget that day.and I am 40 now Fortunately for me it was not rape, I only found out this last August that he had done the same to 2 of my cousins.
I really encourage you to talk about this and hope that you can use this experience to your advantage, and when you are a mother one day, you will teach your children to come to you as soon as ANYONE tries to fondle, touch or abuse them in ANY WAY, and that you will be the support that any child deserves.
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Why worry about making him look bad HE WAS. The only way you can get the pressure off your mind it to tell. It will be on your mind for the rest of your life. Why should you have to bare this memory alone. Boys will tell you any thing they think will keep you from telling. To bad he killed himself. It would be better if your parents knew what he did , while he was alive. He should have been punished. Guess he punished him self. To tell or not to tell has to be your decision. So choose what you think you can live with better.
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This man who did this to you was not and never was a good person. he should have been exposed for what he did to you a long time ago. I wonder how many other people he raped.
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I had something similar happen to me when I was 4. I was left with my father’s very good friends for a week while my parents went away. The people he left me with had two sons. The father of this family molested me every chance he got when his wife was not looking. Even in front of his sons.To think about it now makes me sick to my stomach. I am 36 now. I only remember some things as you. The memories were so traumatic that I blocked them out until I was about 13. I am so sorry you have had this terrible experience.
In all honesty…I can understand your question. I never told my father to this day. My mother knows. I was 18 when I finally told her. You are only 15. You may think you are ok….or maybe you are telling yourself that you are. If you want to be anonymous the best place to start would be a rape crisis centre. There are phone numbers you can call to talk with others who have been in your situation. Its good to be able to talk about it with someone. There you might be able to figure out if and when to tell your parents. But at least you are talking about it.
The only other thing I can tell you is…I have a daughter…I would want to know. Because I love her. I would want the chance to be there for her. If you told them you would not be causing them pain. He was the one who caused the pain honey. Not you! He was not a good person. If he was…he would not have hurt you like this. I have to say you sound very sweet for worrying about everyone else. Don’t worry about how others will feel. They love you! Your feelings are what is important right now. Whatever you do..don’t keep it to yourself. Talk with someone. It really helps. Hope all turns out for the better for you. Hugs…
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If telling your parents will give you some closure, then do it. He committed suicide, what a fitting end to a child molester - you are still here on earth and have to live with the consequences of his actions - yes I say confide in your parents, I am sure they would want you to be rid of him once and for all. God Bless.
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If you feel you need to tell them, or you can’t handle this alone, then tell them. You don’t owe him anything after what he did to you. However if you feel that you don’t need to tell them, or are okay how things are now, I wouldn’t. It all depends on how things are now.
If you do tell them, remember that it will be a shock for them and they may want to protect you. So if they start acting strange and wanting to keep you from going out, etc. Remember that it is because they don’t know quite how to handle what has happened. A lot of parents experience this in these situations.
If you don’t want to tell him, there are other people you can tell. You could talk to friends (as long as you trust them with these things) or another trusted adult, or even people on the internet.
I’m sorry for what has happened to you.
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im sorry dear.you should still talk to your parent even if he is dead.its the right thing to do and its pretty hard to tell them but just do it.if u tell them the whole thing maybe they would understand and it would get out of your head and u wont be stressed.maybe ur cousin had some kind of problem and that made him do it &&&to kill himself.i would do it .it will be hard but its the best thing to do.god bless
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